Your last goodbye..

Random thoughts, random poem...

Your last goodbye,

Makes me speechless,

I tried to gather my words but i fail to do so,

Silence is my weakness,

I can't do nothing.

It's hard to imagine this,

To end up our dreams,

The plans we made,

But God decides for us,

It's hurts me and you,

We can't do nothing.

Your last goodbye,

I know this time is a real goodbye,

My soul cries your name over and over,

Tears rolled down my face as i prayed to God,

Lord please help him, please help me,

I know everyone hurts..

My heart cried thousand rivers for our love.

I'm sorry for dragging you into this,

I'm sorry for what had happened,

But mistakes couldn't be erase,

All we can do is to move on our own lives,

I know and i hope i can go through this without you.

My prayers is with you ,

My blessings is with you.

After today, 

I'll make thousand days without you,
without your presence, your words, your encouragement.
But you are still in my lonely mind,

And i know after today,

I'll lie every night on my bed with tears,

Re-read all the messages you've left for me,

Before i fall asleep.
I hope i will dream about you in all my dreams,
The only place i could meet you,
Thinking about you,
I’m just suffering my life here,
without you.

In this life we never be together,
But, I hide my tears and smile for you,
And I pray for your happiness as always I do. 

Now i will miss you more than ever.

I love you darling,

I love you and i will always love you,

Forever i'll love you,

I will always be here for you.

I'm speechless,

Can't believe this is your last goodbye.

Can't believe it's over now..

Mary

25 Random facts about me !

Hey guys, I thought it’d be nice to write a little bit more of a personal blog post today for you to get to know me better!

So here are 25 random facts about me :

1. I love dogs and cats. But i prefer to have dogs as pets. I can't stand the smell of cat's poop! Currently i have two dogs and named them Angel and Mickey. 

2. I have 5 siblings. I am the 5th. I have a sister, 3 elder brothers and 1 younger brother which is 26 this year. We are all grown up. 

3. I am NOT a vegetarian. Yes, I eat meat. BUT i can't eat too much. I will feel sick. So, please don't get me wrong if i choose not to eat meat sometimes. I love seafood!

4. I'm allergic to peanuts, black beans and nuts. The reaction that i get if i am taking any nuts or peanuts is not that serious like some people. I only get swelling on my lips and things growing like an acne on my body. Its really painful. But I love peanuts butter! 

5. I hate snake, worms, any small insects. I hate flies. 

6. I CAN'T dance. I'm serious. 

7. Don't invite me to any disco place or club because i can't take the cigarettes smoke and smells. It's killing me and my lungs. 

8. Related on number 7, i am a very homely person. I enjoyed staying at home and never get bored. 

9. Oh did i not mention that i am an introvert? 

10. I'm afraid of dark. When i sleep alone, i will turn on the bathroom's light. 

11. I'm not a shopaholic. I shop but i buy only what i need. I will think twice before i purchase any expensive stuffs. 

12. I am a Malaysian. I am half Chinese, and half Kadazan which means i am a SINO-KADAZAN. I am flattered when people telling me that they thought i'm a Tagalog/Philippines, Indian or Caucasian. 

13. I can't swim. Too bad i don't have a chance to wear a bikini. Hahaha.

14. I love fruits and healthy foods. 

15. I can't live without my lemon drink. I always make a bottle of lemon juice mixed with honey for me to drink for the whole day. 

16. Related on number 15, because of i have been practicing drinking lemon juice everyday for 4 years now, i hardly get sick. Believe it or not i never take any medicine or pills. 

17. I love hugs, cuddle and touch from someone that i love. That's my love language. 

18. I love sports. I love watching football. I love basketball. When i was 11, i represented my primary school in basketball competition for two years. 

19. I am quite easily pleased and a very excitable person.

20. My favorite colors is blue, green, pink and red. And yellow too but whenever i wear yellow, i look tanned!

21. I hate fake eyelashes! Seriously, it makes me feel my eyes so heavy. 

22. I'm never late for anything (sometimes with good excuses), maybe this comes from me being anxious, but I always leave in plenty of time so I never have to rush. EARLY is on time, on time is LATE. 

23. My hobbies is collecting coins. I collect various types of coins which may include modern coins from various countries of the World or ancient historical coins. Currently i have 2 books. I haven't count how many coins i have. 

24. When i love someone, i will love that person with all my heart and no one can change the way i feel about that person except God.

25. I love music. When i do house cleaning, i turn on the music. When i do cooking, i turn on the music. When i pray, i turn on the music. Music just makes my life more fun. 

So there are 25 facts about me! I hope you found this post interesting!

Love,

Mary xx

I am beautiful - Overcoming low self esteem

At some point we all struggle with our own insecurities. We always feel uncertain about ourselves, lack of confidences, low self worth, lack of faith in our abilities and think negatively of ourselves. "I don't feel pretty today", I'm not good enough", "I'm so fat" & etc. We just couldn't hide our thoughts from all these negative feelings. Don't we? Don't be afraid to admit it because you are not alone. 

I struggle with low self esteem many years ago. I struggled with my self-image. I have never been the girl everyone thought was the prettiest. Though, my friends may tell me i am pretty and beautiful but i always wonder if they just being nice to me.Worst, i never feel happy on how i look. I don't like my skin, i'm not happy with my height and weight and i always wanted to be like a supermodel. You probably laughing at me now after reading this. Yes, ask any women, who doesn't want to have that kind of body - slim, tall, sexy. I wanted their image. Furthermore, I have always struggled with lack of faith in my own abilities and I still do.. Because of that, i sometimes struggling with lots of self criticizing. It's makes me feel pretty unmotivated. 

How do i overcome it ? 

PRAY and MEDITATE His Words. 

After i becoming a Christian. I started to learn to pray many things. Because i believe in the power of prayer. I have prayed and prayed and shed many tears. Tears of pain and joy. I prayed for healing. I meditate His Words. This is the verses that really helped me during that time. Even until today, this verses never fails me. 

I am BEAUTIFUL, WONDROUSLY MADE

“Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,

But the night shines as the day;

The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

For You formed my inward parts;

You covered me in my mother’s womb.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Marvelous are Your works,

And that my soul knows very well.”

Psalm 139:12-14

I do believe that there is something we all struggle with. We are all fighting our battles. This is just one battle among many I am choosing to defeat in order to strengthen my relationship with God. I remember when I first became a believer, there were some obvious changes in my life which occurred, but I did not recognize them until years later. One big change was the way i see my life and myself is beyond of my understanding. I see hope. I see light, love and beauty that i never seen in myself before. The bible says, 

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."

2 Corinthians 5:17

God formed each of us in our mothers womb and He creates everything beautiful. God never created "junk". I am completely trust Him now that i am beautiful because God says i am! And i am sure God didn't make myself or anyone else an exception to all things being made beautiful. We have to know that we are beautiful inside and out. Never underestimated God's creation when the bible says "i am fearfully and wonderfully made". So girls and boys out there, you are beautiful! You don't have to trust me if you want, but you can trust His Words. Start to love yourself. How? Will let you know in the next blog. Till then, go and figure by yourself. Heee...

Here's the song that really-really say it so well. The first time i listened to this song, i cried. Yes. I feel like this song is made for me. Hope you will be bless by my testimony and if so, please do encourage anyone that you know who suffer the same thing. Show some love and give them support. Enjoy the song! 

Every blessings,

Mary xx

I am beautiful and amazing just the way i am.

There's a place for us - Long distance relationship

Just wanted to share this song to all of you. It touches my heart. I feel for those who are in a long distance relationship. Many people don't understand a long distance relationship. You always hear people says "long-distance relationship never work out or suck"  but when two people really love each other, even it being more hard, it can work very well. 

I found this article in Buzzfeed.com. When you see all these good things, start to think in the positive way, eventually you will be able to enjoy the long distance love. 

19 Reasons Why Long-Distance Relationships Are Better Than You Think

1. Communication becomes sacred. You’ll value any and all messages from your partner infinitely more.

2. Only being able to talk at certain times also means you get the happy jitters every time you hear your partner’s voice.

3. And, thankfully, you’ll be so eager to catch up that you won’t bother with awkward small talk.

4. Skype, meanwhile, becomes something you’re actually looking forward to.

5. And you two become masters of two-player apps, always excited for your partner’s next move.

6. If things go well, distance helps trust grow exponentially.

7. Being separate means you can master being independent and in a relationship.

8. And you never have to feel guilty about taking “me time.”

9. Awkward moments between yourself and your other’s parents are completely nonexistent.

10. Travel! Adventures are great, especially when the person you love is your destination.

11. And that moment when you first see each other again — priceless.

12. Not to mention now you actually have an excuse to do any touristy things you want, although you might be a tad distracted.

13. But of course, even the most routine things become amazing.

14. Gifts and surprises are now worth infinitely more than they were before.

15. And you have an excuse to unleash your inner romantic: Handwritten letters and postcards are the best.

16. Although you may fight, it’s often because you’ll wish the two of you just had more time together.

17. You know, though, that you always have something to look forward to.

18. Finally, if your long-distance relationship is successful, you can rest assured that your relationship is pretty golden.

19. And if all of this still doesn’t convince you, science says distance does actually makes the heart grow fonder.

So never give up! Keep on moving. Distance can seem overwhelming sometimes, but a love that lasts a lifetime may be well worth the risk. Where there is mutual will, love will always find a way. Have faith. 

We doesn't know what's God plans is. In our thoughts we always says "this is impossible for us to make it" but God says "there is nothing impossible" and never forget, His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. 

Isaiah 55:8-9

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,neither are your ways my ways,declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Enjoy this song everyone. 

Always love,

Mary xx