" I fail you. Not once, but many times. I can't feel you sometimes. I doubt on you, not once, but many times. There are times when I choose to go my own way without consult with you. I am so selfish and stubborn. I don't deserve your kind affection, your love. I have failed you. "
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I've just realized that I've been not blogging for a year. Where am i now? "Where are you, Mary?"
2014 was one of the most challenging years for me. Came out from a broken relationship, leave my family, my job, and decided to leave my country to another new world, new place, new people, new life.
I remembered few years ago, i been praying to God that may He will open the right doors for me. I never prayed specifically what i want from Him. I just tell Him that whatever He wants me to do, i will obey and follow Him. I prayed faithfully.
As i start my new year, this is what He reminds me. This is the door that I've been asking from Him. He make way for me to come here - Australia. He gives me the courage and passion to pursue something that my heart yearns to do, something that i desire to be.
As i brace myself to move abroad for the first time, I look back and I know that squeezing my lives into a suitcase and leaving my beloved country was the best decision that i could have possibly made. Because when i move away, when i turn my life into a journey filled with uncertainty, i grow up in unexpected ways. I have to admit many times, i feel homesick. The only thing i could do is to ignore it and focus what is ahead me. Sounds easy but believe me, when you focus something you want so badly, giving up is not in your vocabulary!
I struggled with so many things since i moved here. There’s always moments of distress. Even the simplest task can become a huge challenge. That's where God started to stretch my faith again. He wants to see if i trust Him enough. I failed many times but He's just keep quiet, instead of punishing me, He always has his own way to tell me that He's still love me. This situation reminds me of my Geography teacher in primary school. Whenever i failed my exam, he will hit both of my hand with the bamboo rattan!
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I've just realized that I've been not blogging for a year. Where am i now? "Where are you, Mary?"
2014 was one of the most challenging years for me. Came out from a broken relationship, leave my family, my job, and decided to leave my country to another new world, new place, new people, new life.
I remembered few years ago, i been praying to God that may He will open the right doors for me. I never prayed specifically what i want from Him. I just tell Him that whatever He wants me to do, i will obey and follow Him. I prayed faithfully.
As i start my new year, this is what He reminds me. This is the door that I've been asking from Him. He make way for me to come here - Australia. He gives me the courage and passion to pursue something that my heart yearns to do, something that i desire to be.
As i brace myself to move abroad for the first time, I look back and I know that squeezing my lives into a suitcase and leaving my beloved country was the best decision that i could have possibly made. Because when i move away, when i turn my life into a journey filled with uncertainty, i grow up in unexpected ways. I have to admit many times, i feel homesick. The only thing i could do is to ignore it and focus what is ahead me. Sounds easy but believe me, when you focus something you want so badly, giving up is not in your vocabulary!
The difficulty that i have been through in my life, whether big or small, make me realized that God still produce more strength, faith and perseverance in me to face the world. He quite my restless heart and mind with His tender love. This is where i know He's still love me the same like He used to love me 27 years ago. I am still His beloved.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
More posts coming soon :)
Happy reading!
Love, Mary xx
Nice write-up! Kudos! Keep it up, Mary ya! May God bless you with His best choices of blessings. xoxo ;)
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